It had been a long journey.  And a slow one for that matter.  She had to take the bus from money that her brother sent her, something she had been so ashamed to admit she needed.  Her job at the small store around the corner from the new place didn’t provide much and soon the bills, and everything else became too much and she found herself two weeks from eviction and nowhere to go.  Her books left first, all her law books, every page she had ever read went ahead of her and arrived safely and it was only then that she decided to go as well.  She road that bus for days, weeks it seemed to her.  The air was stale inside the cabin and the people changed from time to time.  She was the only one going this far so she smiled at those that reached destinations and been greeted with open arms and loved ones.  She wondered if Parker would be waiting for her.

When she tugged her bags from the sidewalk where they had been dropped without ceremony she turned around and slowly entered the bus station eyes glancing around behind dark sunglasses, as the sky’s rays were too much for her to handle.  It still hurt her orbs to no end.  She didn’t see him right away, perhaps he was too shadowed but when he came into view she felt her heart leap in her chest and she dropped her bags and ran for him.  She clung to her brother like he was the only rock in a stream and he held her up against him, surprised by the sudden arrival of a clinging sister.

“Nice to see you too Lah…but damn, people are gonna think we are like long lost lovers or something”  He chuckled softly and patted her back before she slipped from him with a shamed look on her face.

“I’m sorry Parker, I was just so happy to see you, I didn’t know what else to do.”  She smiled a little bit, but the motion seemed forced, the muscles in her face seeming to resist it, like it hadn’t happened enough for her face to work that way anymore.  He gazed upon her and shook his head, he couldn’t quite place what was wrong, but something was up and he would find out later.

He gathered her bags into his hands and lead her off towards his vehicle, which was a normal sedan and she had to think inwardly how different he had become, how much of an adult.  She looked up at him and there was a smile in her unseen eyes and he gave her that broad grin that was identical to her own, if her’s was to ever come into place.  He loaded her, the bags and himself into the car and headed off towards his home.  It was a small apartment, and her boxes were stacked up in the spare bedroom of his, he hadn’t wanted to touch or disturb her things at all.  When they arrived in she dropped herself down on the couch and took a few deep breathes, as if sitting on the bus had taken so much out of her.

“You look…well…uh..”

“Like shit I think is the word you are looking for Parker.”

“Okay so maybe shit IS the word I’m looking for.  But I think tired is a better word.  Ragged.  Like someone road you hard and put you away wet.”

“Something like that.  It was just an annoying trip Parker, that’s all.”

“Yea but yer still here Lah, which means to me something is going on.”

“Do we have to talk about it now Parker?  I can’t even think straight let alone try and tell you about what’s been going on.  I’ve just not been doing well and I finally figured I needed help.”  She just stared towards him and she finally pulled the glasses away and rubbed at the bloodshot eyes.  There were circles dark enough to make it look like she was auditioning for the next batman movie and he sighed as he looked at her gaunt expression.  This wasn’t the same sister that had left for Necro full of love for the law and everything else.  That sister was going to be someone was going to teach judges and juries a thing or two.  The person in front of him wasn’t that girl anymore. The person in front of him was broken in two.

“Did you want something to drink?  Something to eat Lah?”

“No no..I just wanna take a nap, it was sorta hard to sleep on the bus.”  She gave him that forced and pained smile before she stood up and kissed his cheek and disappeared into the spare bedroom.

She slept for hours.  She slept all night and well into the next morning to the point he had anxiously checked on her to see if she was still breathing.  She hadn’t stirred at all when he walked close and leaned over her and finally her body had moved in her sleep and he felt satisfied that she was alive.  He didn’t bother with tiptoeing out as it was obvious she had turned into a heavy sleeper and he left to make what he called breakfast.  He was mid-breakfast when she finally emerged.  She scratched her fingers through her hair and it stuck up in places, as she had cut it shorter once more and then flopped down in a seat across from him.

“Your hair …is just…wow Lilah.”

“I think it suits me, the long hair was stupid.”  She pushed her regular classes up her nose as she leaned over the table her hands clasped together out in front of her and she sighed as she shuddered a little bit.  He canted his head a bit at her,

“Cold?”

“No.  Not really.  Just a goose walked over my grave is all.”

“Musta been a really big goose.”

“Again, you have NO idea.”

He shook his head as he gave her a plate of eggs and bacon as well as a piece of toast and she just looked up at him and then down at it.  She studied each bit of food like it might kill her if she swallowed and then slowly she began to eat.  Every bite had to be chewed thoroughly before it was even thought about being swallowed down and she stared off towards nothing while she did it.  After each bite she would put the fork down and her arm would going the other under the table and her fingers would come together once more.  He watched her in silence, finding her actions peculiar at the very least and he was going to ask her what was going on but he couldn’t think of a way to approach it.  He finally left her with a touch to her head that patted some of her sticking hair up and then went off do watch TV or whatever else his type did, leaving her to her meal.

Hours later she was finally finished.  Yes, hours.  He had watched the clock, sometimes looking over his shoulder towards where she was in the kitchen and as the minutes ticked he got more and more worried.  He was about to speak up when she lifted up and took the plate to the sink and washed it methodically.  She laid it out to dry in the drain and then came towards the couch where he was at and slowly sat down.

“Lah…”

“Don’t ask Parker.  It isn’t important and it’s a silly and stupid reason that you would just tell me was stupid and silly and make me feel even worse then I feel now.  I’m not staying long I promise.  Just a stopover until I can get back on my feet.”

He merely nodded at her and reached out wrapping his arm around her shoulders and tugged her towards him.  She resisted a moment, shuddering under the touch for a half second before she leaned in and rested her head down to his shoulder and stared off towards the TV, not knowing what was on, and not really caring.  It was merely filler anyway.  When night arose he gently pulled from her and smiled and needed to head off to bed because he actually had to work the next day.  She nodded and waved to him a bit as he left and she was alone with her thoughts once more.  

She hadn’t wanted to do it with him around.  Hadn’t wanted to hurt him so much but she needed someone.  Needed someone that needed her.  Or at least wanted her.  Her chest heaved a bit with a hard gulp and she pushed herself up to walk to “her” room.  She laid herself against the bed and her face pressed against the pillows and she started to cry.  Her body was so tired of crying but she couldn’t help it.  Everything was wrong, nothing was ever going to be right and she had allowed herself to become that way.  Maybe being here with Parker was going to help her.  Maybe he could bring her away from this funk.  Maybe then she could start to see that nothing was as bad as it seemed.  She missed him so much when she was away.  The one she missed now would never know what was going on, what turmoil had been caused.  And that was fine.  It didn’t matter if he did.  

Parker sat up in bed and he looked around.  He could hear her.  She sounded so …heartbroken.  Like someone had stolen everything that was good about her and displayed it where she couldn’t reach it.  He pulled himself out of the bed and walked towards her room and gently rested his head against the door to listen to her, debating entering and trying to calm her down, if he could.  For a few long moments he stood there, his soul weeping with her own.  How many nights had they huddled together afraid of their father, afraid of what he might do.  And now when he knew she needed him most, she huddled by herself.  Why hadn’t she come to him?  Didn’t she know that nothing was stupid to him?  If it caused her this much pain then she had to know he wouldn’t care what it was, just try and help her.  Even to just listen if that’s what she needed.  He slowly turned the knob and by then she was so lost in her own pain that she hadn’t heart him.  He stepped inwards and slowly came down against the bed and his arms wrapped around her, pulling her small form to his and he cradled her head against his chest.  

“Lah, I’m sorry for whatever caused this.  I’m so sorry.  Please let me help you, please.”  He almost begged it, and he stared down at the top of her head, her locks held between his fingers.

“I can’t Parker, I can’t.  I just can’t.  I can’t tell you, you’d be so disappointed in me, and I can’t do that.  I’m so…stupid.”

He pulled her closer to him as she spoke her words in chocked sobs and he squeezed lightly as he leaned over and whispered against her hair, “ Please Lah…just trust me.”

“I can’t trust anyone Parker..not even you anymore…I’m sorry..I’m sorry..don’t hate me..please don’t hate me and turn me away”  Her body trembled when she spoke and he looked down amazed that she felt she couldn’t trust him anymore, what had happened to her?!  Why did she think he would hate her?  He was worried for her, scared for her, but he’d never hate her.

“I could never hate you!  Even if you can’t trust me…I’ll earn it again…I promise Lilah…I promise.”

He rested his head back against the bedframe, he had been so shocked by her admission of lack of trust that he hadn’t been able to really feel it when she said it.  Something had caused her not to trust him and he hated that.  Hated that something that finally came between them and caused her to be this way.  This was his sister, his own friend growing up, the only one that knew what it was like.  They were supposed to trust each other until they day they died and beyond.  They had promised.  

He held her there in the dark, held her until he could feel her body finally relax against his own, even with the tears still coming from her eyes. He didn’t sleep a wink that night.  Instead he watched her and wondered how she could ever be the same, and hoped she’d be able to make it.